When I was a teenager, I had a couple of people I would call my very best friends. I will not use their real names to protect their privacy. I will say one was male, and one was female. Well, the female and I haven't spoken in awhile, but it's all good. We knew when our time to part had come, and we said goodbye, promised to try to keep in touch (although that didn't work out so well). The male friend, however, basically walked away. No note, no phone call, nothing. There were "situations" that caused him to leave, and this part I understand. I don't know if I understood it then, only being 19 at the time, but I've matured, so looking back I can see why things happened the way they did. But because of this, I have been unable to totally put my trust in anyone anymore. I don't keep friends as close as I used to. I tell people alot, but I don't let myself get close. I've been burned a few times, mostly by family who are pieces of ... well, you get the idea ... but I always believed that true friends were forever, even with time and distance between them.
Well, the male friend, after 20 years, is back in view. He seems to be doing very well, and I am happy for him. He followed his dreams, made them a reality, something I cannot say for myself. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my situation, but I know things could be better for myself and my family, and I am working towards that every day. And every day it gets a bit closer.
The thing that bugs me is that I would like to tell this person how pissed I am at them, how hurt I was when he disappeared, leaving me to find the world alone, without a friend at my side to help me through the darkness. He and I were always like that, and it was much more like it after we graduated high school. Everyone else was gone. They went to college, joined the military, or just plain moved away. But he and I were the constants. We stayed, to work and play on Long Island. Then he was gone, just like that.
I wish I knew how to handle the fact that we have contact again. Eh, I guess I should just be an adult about it, let the past be the past, understand the circumstances, and move on. Start fresh right?
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Welcome to the (at times not so much) wonderful world of ME, a big steaming pile of (take your pick of words, insert here). There are times I may (try to be) funny, there are times I'm sincere. Sometimes I end up being both without even trying. But you're here, so I hope I can keep you entertained enough to come back for more.
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